Summum Bonum

     What is life? Why do we exist? These are just questions that we sometimes are curious of yet no one ever dares to go into deep inquiry for all (if not, most) of us are too ignorant or too lazy to do so. We tend to over-think and neglect on these minute curiosities for we are blinded by the influence of Religion. What we might (or do) not know is that these "minute curiosities" might be the very reason of what differentiates us from other creatures.

     But before we go deeper into that thesis, let me talk a little about myself first. I am just student to be honest. I have no degree or anything that could make me be acknowledged by people (not even the least of honors). I'm one of those guys who sit in the back-most portion of the class because I'm afraid the teacher might call me to answer something. But it isn't really that. What I'm only scared of is that if I might fail or make an err to any instruction or inquiry that my teacher might dare ask upon me (I'm just scared of being wrong). So if you're like me, then kudos to you also!! ^^

    Why am I scared you might ask. Well, that's because I am not verbally proficient and as confident as others are. And why am I like that? Well, it just goes back to the reason that I am afraid to fail. I am scared because I am not confident and verbally proficient. Heheh, you might be confused right now but I'm actually trying to create somewhat of a paradox here, just to make your brain roll over. But really that's true. Even I'm confused with myself. But, I want to know more, to know more, especially about me. I want to learn more of who I really am.

    And this is what (I think) separates me from the rest. I love to think. My brain never runs out of questions. Questions that sometimes aren't supposed to be asked because we know, by practice or from what it seems to be, is true and should not be asked anymore. Questions such as "Why do we have to eat?" (We eat because our body needs nutrients to suffice for our actions and neural processes and such yet I ask, "why is this so?"); "why are we (humans) more superior in rationality than animals?" (albeit humans are still classified as part animal, yet what I mean are those which are uncivilized and wild living creatures which exist as non-human or have less cognitive capabilities).

  But in most cases, I am negatively scrutinized of my actions. I know that such aren't supposed to be asked because we know by practice or experience that such phenomena exist because of a particular reason or cause which causes to happen or occur. Yet I do not like that notion that we should just stop there because "That's that" or "That is because that" (especially when I am reasoned with - or via - religious methodology or that of the scriptures; just because you believe in a God doesn't mean that that should be an accurate or reliable criterion for such inquiry of mine. Please be rational when it comes to arguments). I like to think deeper into anything and know more about it. But it's hard though, for absolute wisdom or knowledge can never be attained easily (especially with me that I am but a nobody). No one might ever will. Yet, I see this as the most beautiful thing that we humans can ever be provided or be given of: that there is never and end to to the acquisition of information. 

  That we exist because we learn and we experience. We learn about things (and ultimately learn about ourselves "truly") and that this is the very reason that we exist: to learn. To know more and be knowledgeable of anything. No information is ever irrelevant nor insignificant. Anything which can be learned is (or even that which cannot) is always worth knowing about. That Learning is the greatest good in the existence of life.

  This is my favorite aspect in going to school: to learn and learn more. You see, I'm one of those students which value learning more than the grades. Sometimes people forget the "Essence of Education"; that grades are valued more than the learning experience itself. I for one, don't give a damn about my grades (yet in order for me to stay in our wonderful university, I need to at least maintain a passing grade). People, both students and  teachers should change the way they look at education. This is not totally a jungle which is all about survival. We are civilized and rational humans who should think better and act better in accordance to the "True Essence of Education": learning. And that for me is the Summum Bonum, life's greatest good.

A Happy Kiddo

        "It's the heart that defines love in the family, not necessarily the presence"; these were the words that my mother often spoke of when I was but a toddler, yet by that time I had no understanding of the world. I didn't understand what she meant back then. My mind was still blunt.

       For most of  my life, my mother was the only one who's spent most time with me than any other person in the world. She has taught me and guided me with her pure wisdom and has taught me the basic moral values that any tad needs to be sufficed of. She was my very first teacher in life. You might be reading this  now and ask about my father. Well, he's not really away or anything. He's just . . . gone; away, never to come back to us again.

     When I was about four (4) years old, he used to come home from work and bring me a toy. He would only come home to us (in San Remigio) often because he worked here in the city. He worked at the Philippines National Airport in Mactan, Cebu. He worked as the Air Traffic controller back then.

     My father was a simple kind of guy. He was very bashful (which I think is the reason why he worked in a secluded place such as his office in the radio control room). He was very generous, especially to his friends and relatives; my mother even told me that when father goes to visit his roots in Mindanao (GenSan), he would go there abundant and fully clothed,  but by the time he comes back to cebu, he'd only be wearing just his shirt, his pants, and his pair of slippers, together with his bag emptied. He was very Religious. He was once part of a religious group called the "Knights of Columbus" and attended church masses regularly. He sincere to his faith in God.

    The thing about him though is that he is very abusive with his health. He didn't care about his health and the wellness of his body and only thought of sustaining the supplication for the needs of the family. But what really affected most of his health (and ultimately ruined his life until now) was his abuse to his lungs; he was such a heavy smoker. He would smoke so much and he just won't stop to my mother's reprimands He was hard-headed in that aspect. I was four years old when he left us. He left us for good and would never to return to us ever again. 

    The last unforgettable memory of him that I could never forget was the scene in which he was already bed-ridden and very ill. There he laid and could barely speak (his mouth was covered with a respirator); he was so sick already from his Lung Cancer. I at once came close to him and he said to me: "Kid, you be strong. Keep your heads up and never cry for me or for any other reason. You smile and be happy always . . . ". Two days later, he died.

    What he asked from me, I could not really do.What reason would (and/or should) I be happy of? Nothing. But at that time I never really felt much of the pain. As I grew older, the pain became more evident and obvious. Growing up without a father is hard. Happiness would be the least idea that I could ever think of. Good thing that faking is so easy to do yet deep inside, I've always longed for a father. Someone who would teach me how to play basketball or teach me how to ride a bike. Still, I've accepted it already. He's gone, and that's that. Albeit I hate to admit it but what else can I do about it? Crying or being bitter about it won't do any good. This was reality itself hitting me right in my face.I can smile though, but I could never be truly happy. I never will. A happy kiddo is not entirely a happy kiddo; a happy kiddo is a happy kiddo because he is happy, not just because he can smile.
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